Whilst us Asians may not have made any real impact in the world of professional football, when it comes to being fans we are as good as anyone. At grounds all around Britain you can find a healthy dosage of brown faces, and not just from the permatanned WAGs. At Old Trafford you can always spot a row of turbaned Sikh’s sitting close to the dugout, whilst clubs such as Liverpool, Aston Villa and West Ham also boast a strong Asian fan base. We do the road trips, away days, hooliganism and any real fans favourite, the singing. Singing your heart out is what it is all about. Give abuse to the opposition fans, to the referee and best of all to the opposition players. Nothing beats it, especially when you have a few thousand singing along with you. Like any true football fan the viler/funnier the chant the more we enjoy it. So here for you besharam gives you the top ten vile (but funny) football chants.
10) “PARK, PARK, wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your own country
It could be worse, you could be scouse, eating rats in a council house”
A song you can always hear from Man Utd fans whenever their Korean Ji Sung Park plays. It incorporates slight racism (do all Koreans eat dogs?) as well as taking a big dig at their rivals in Merseyside without ever really praising the player. Quality.
9) “Ashley Cole is a rent boy, his mobiles always on, and when he’s shagging Cheryl, he thinks of Elton John”
One of the most hated footballers in Britain, Ashley Cole has a whole catalogue of chants aimed at him by fans all over the country for being a money grabbing, disloyal, cheating, moaner. This is perhaps pick of the bunch though, with a hint about his sexuality whilst still managing to mention his wife. Nice.
“There’s only two Andy Goram’s, two Andy Gorammm’s…”
Now it is getting really personal. Andy Goram, former Scotland, Glasgow Rangers and Manchester United goalkeeper was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2000. So this is what lovely Scottish fans sung to him whilst he played for Rangers.
7) “He’s tall, he’s black, he had a heart attack – he’s Kanuuuuu, he’s Kanuuuu”
Allegedly started by Arsenal fans and continued to be sung by West Brom and Portsmouth fans when they signed the Nigerian striker, the chant refers to earlier in his career when he was diagnosed with having a life threatening heart defect which required surgery and nearly cost him his career in football. Not really an insult but to sing about a heart condition which nearly killed the man gets it in the list.
6) “Adebayor, Adebayooooor, his dad washes elephants and his mum is a whore”
First aimed by opposing fans as an insult to Emmanuel, the chant was taken to new levels by the Arsenal fans themselves when the striker from Togo left them for Man City, singing it constantly when they played. The chant has slight racist undertones but a healthy mother insult to finish it off.
5) “Johnnnnnnnnnn Arne Riise, I wana knoooooooow oh oh, how you broke his leg”
The original chant used to end “how you scored that goal” but when the goals dried up from Riise the Liverpool fans praised him for the next best thing, breaking the leg of a Manchester United player. The victim was Alan Smith and he got the injury by blocking a Riise thunderbolt. Great strike son.
4) “Van-Per-Sie – when a girl says no moleeesssst her”
This ingenious chant created by Tottenham supporters not only made fans laugh all around the country it also helped Craig David make a comeback. To the tune of his Re-Wind song with Artful Dodger the chant refers to Robin Van Persie’s arrest for rape in 2006, for which he was eventually acquitted.
3) “Tumourrrrrr boy, tumourrrrr boy”
Going into the top three we get really vile and if you find this funny you must be a sick bastard, just like most football fans in Britain. Having recovered from a brain tumour in 2003 Glenn Roeder came back to hear these taunts from all quarters. Not the most imaginative nickname but you get where it comes from.
2) “Where’s your real dad? Where’s your real dad?”
Apparently first sung to Shaun Wright-Phillips by Charlton fans when he was playing for Chelsea, the chant is not only funny and insulting but also provokes a serious question. Who is Mr Phillips and why is Ian Wright raising his son?
1) “Your missus shagged Tony Richardson…”
They may not be the exact words but Everton fans sing something similar to Steven Gerrard. Tony Richardson is a well known Liverpool gangster who used to date Gerrard’s wife, Alex Curran. The chants are known to really upset Gerrard and even Rafa Benitez stepped in by condemning the songs by the Evertonians. It is one thing to insult a footballer by making something up about him but to get so very real is just the vilest thing ever heard at a football ground. Love it.
