Rather than support the country of their birth during the World Cup, some people would in all likelihood choose to support England’s group rivals instead, with their justification boiling down to “you’d never get called a Paki in Algeria”.

Whether they’ve actually ever been to Algeria or not, this is a more common attitude for British-Asian football fans than you and I might think. For every two that support England there is one who doesn’t. Instead some often fall into the Scottish category of supporting “anyone but England”. But why?

First off let’s just clear the air of any pongy smells before we get BNP members sticking to us like flies to shit. We know this article doesn’t apply to all British-Asians. Many, in fact probably the majority, will support England whole heartedly. Any look into the crowd of an England game and you will definitely notice the odd brown face and a turban here or there. These people recognise England as their home and if it wasn’t for being raised here they probably would not have found their passion for football altogether.

So what is wrong with the rest? It stems back to the old days, 40 years ago in the 1970s. England fan Hitesh Tosar (Tosar by name Tosar by nature?) explains “growing up in the 70s and 80s you would not have worn an England shirt as an Asian because there was a stigma attached to it. It suggested you were a follower of the BNP or the NF and therefore you were a traitor to other Asians.” Sadly this stigma hasn’t wilted over the decades.

England, and English football teams in general, have a bitter history with Turkish teams. Even this has indirectly hindered Asians from backing blighty. How? Unsavoury incidents that involved Manchester United and Leeds United fans whilst their respective teams played in Turkey, and pure mayhem both on and off the pitch whilst England played Turkey during the qualifying campaign in 2003/4, all gave birth to the infamous England chant “I’d rather be a Paki than a Turk”.

Akin to “I’d rather be dead than do that”, does it really need to be explained that neither option is meant to be superior or agreeable? Although said in jest, there is a definite racist undertone. So, conscious of the hostility held for Turks, somehow being viewed as better than them does not make Pakis feel any more accepted or want to don the three lions on their chest. Far from keeping Asian fans from going to England matches to support their nation, chants like this can actively turn them against England.

Piara Powar, chairman of the anti-racist football group Kick It Out spoke out strongly on the state of affairs; “Until recently, the lack of Asian support has been an impediment to integration in football. We have been seen as having a different religion and nice food which smells when you cook it”. However, ever so slightly patronising was his view that the ethnic representation which is growing is doing so because “they are also familiar with such examples of modern men as David Beckham and Michael Owen and there is generally a softer vibe around.” Softer vibe? British-Asians have been hardcore followers of domestic teams, most notably Liverpool and Manchester United, since the 90s.

On another note though, you might think it hypocritical to support a local team and not the national team when the city you support is in that nation! But, when you live in a community and pick up its accent, the propinquity is high. It’s just easier to relate to. Liverpool fans say ‘we are not English, we are Scouse” whilst because of the anti- Manchester United sentiment that used to be around England games, Man U fans now sing “you can stick your fucking England up your arse”. The mental block well built into the psyche of British-Asian football fans is that the national squad does not represent them.

At one time the likes of John Barnes, Viv Anderson and Cyril Regis prompted racist onlookers to throw bananas onto the pitch. Black people too suffered racism, probably much worse than Asians. However, since the late 80s they have been integral to the England football team, meaning any racism a tiny minority of England fans feel now has to take second place, in support of the side. But what for black footy fans? Do they feel as alienated as Asian fans? Do they support England?

Even though their players are a vital part of the line up, your average black football fan born in England is guaranteed to support the country of their origin be it Cameroon, Nigeria, Jamaica, wherever. Just not England. Guaranteed. Or at least not till their country of origin is knocked out. For Asian fans another option, well, just isn’t an option. India, Bangladesh, Pakistan and Sri Lanka don’t feature in the World Cup yet many still will not get behind the country of their birth. Why?

Because the difference between Asians and black people is that they have now become a fundamental part of English football. Not just in the stands but on the pitch. While they can look up to players from African or West Indian heritage that play for England- Asians still seem decades away from accomplishing that feat. When a brown man plays at Wembley then British-Asians will flock to the stands and avidly support England. At the moment little wheaty-coffee coloured kids just can’t connect with the folk on the footy field. We look more like the likes of Xavi, Giovanni Van Bronckhurst, Cristiano Ronaldo and Mesut Ozil rather than Frank Lampard, Wayne Rooney and John Terry! Ok stop scoffing, maybe not in appearance but perhaps in skin tone (after they’ve tanned). This could be why many British-Asian kids are seen wearing Brazil, Holland or Spain kits. Ok again cut your cackling, this may have a little to do with how bloody good those teams are or maybe it’s just that England doesn’t yet touch the Asian soul.

Yes, tournament by tournament more British-Asian fans, albeit in very small doses are loosening up and beginning to attend games, showing positive support and mixing with the majority white crowd to cheer on “Ing- Er-Land”! Nonetheless, for some Asians, football, especially in England, is a tribal sport. The stark lack of Asian players in the game, combined with the reality that the historic footprints of racism have followed us out of the past and into today, mean that many British-Asians do not feel like England is their tribe.

Besharam Babe – Jiah Khan

Jiah Khan Is the daughter of actress Rabia Amin a Hindi film actress in the 1980s. She was born in New York City and raised in Chelsea, London.

Jiah Khan’s debut was in a risqué role in Ram Gopal Verma’s Nishabd (2007) with none other than Amitabh Bacchan about a eighteen year old girl falling in love with her friend’s father. Saucy…

You have fun, flirt and do the dirty with any girl that tickles your fancy. Treat them mean keep them keen and all that, and when you have had your fill you move on to the next fine specimen. Monogamy’s pretty rare for either species of the party gen to be fair. Promises of marriage, wining and dining? Nah, you just want to tap that ass.

But then one day it all starts getting old. You start feeling your age even though you’re only mid twenties. You turn to your mother and ask her to find you the kind of bird who’s never flown the nest, nor inhaled a breath of freedom. A shareef wife from back ‘home’.

Wake Up Call

STOP! Time to smell the daffodils. But you can’t, because the stench of bullshit is just overwhelming isn’t it?

So have you ever wondered what kind of husband you are going to make? Good, bad or just plain ugly!!!? Joke! Of course you’re going to try your best, you want to grow old with your wife, treat her right and all that. So have you ever thought if you can change your wild and wicked ways, so can she.

You see no one enters into a marriage wanting it to fail, when a woman says forever she means forever- scary thought isn’t it. Point is, if a girl wants to settle down with you, that means she wants to leave her past behind and be with just you. If you can be a good husband after years of playing then give her a chance to be a good wife too.

As for going back home to find a wifey, I hate to break it to you but gone are the days you’re going to find a timid and shy damsel who doesn’t answer back. Someone’s been waking those little missys up! They’ve clued up and before the plane touches Heathrow they want to know their rights, so if you’re looking for an easy sleazy way out- forget it because that shit don’t fly no more. Soon enough she’ll cotton on you’re marrying her for all the wrong reasons. Deep down you’ll know too, so the happy ever after will turn into a miserable forever.

The Virgin Pedestal

And as for the whole marrying a virgin because you think it means she is all fresh and innocent won’t mean diddly squat in the cold light of the morning after. When she sniffs out your past, because women have a sixth sense like that, the rose petals start to smell rank and the honeymoon ends. Then the real fun and games start.

But it’s not all doom and gloom.  We don’t need to tell you, but we will anyway, that you can avoid this smelly situation by heeding to the following:

Learn to compromise: there is no such thing as perfect.

Don’t ask the question if you don’t want the answer to it: do you really need to know how far she went with her ex? He is her ex end of.

Great heights lead to great falls: lower your expectations, the full package as displayed by Madhuri in Hum Apke Hai Kaun doesn’t exist. (Don’t pretend you haven’t watched it)

Diamonds in the rough: or maybe just change your expectations- sometimes the real good girls are the ones you’re letting go off, after all who else is going to love you and put up with your crap.

Think for yourself: your mother isn’t going to wake up with your wife every morning for the rest of her life. Respect your parents, but grow some balls!

So happy hunting lads and remember some girls are just plain out of your league! But that’s a whole different story which we’ll leave for another day.

Besharam Babe – Sayali Bhagat

Enjoying your summer? For us it’s just another Besharam day, time to switch it up. Sayali Bhagat is an Indian actress and former Miss India.

Sayali Bhagat was first seen in 2007 as Anjali in The Train: Some Lines Should Never Be Crossed which starred Emraan Hashmi and Geeta Basra. In 2008, she appeared in three movies, not exactly fan favourites, but we’d be glad to record a few extra scenes at the Besharam studio should she ever need some work. Hawwww

Possibly more at the Besharam forums.

Ever told a white lie to your mates to save yourself the embarrassment of explaining why exactly you can’t just go and drink yourself silly down at the local pub? Explained to your mum that the razor conveniently slipped out of your hand and flew up in the air, slitting your eyebrows? Or perhaps you had to confront the awkward situation of trying to tell your girl that no, she couldn’t just stay over at your place with only one thin wall between your room and Mum and Dad’s.

Culture Clash

Living between two contradictive cultures is a challenge no doubt. So which world do we embrace? Do we really have to choose?

To parents, who have left their joint families behind and scraped together pennies when at one time rupees were easy to come by, we are their legacy. Somewhere amidst their struggle to balance unconditional love for a child and unconditional love for the motherland, conditions have been wrought and we have become the vessels that bear the pressures that their parents put upon them, and that they put upon themselves. But have you ever thought that perhaps our parents came here thirty odd years ago with the ideals that existed back in the pinds of India and Pakistan? And funnily enough while India and Pakistan kept moving forward, our parents stayed back in the effort to preserve and protect what they knew best in this Western world. So in their state of delusion, not being on native soil means they and we are repping the billions that they left behind. Shit. What a load of pressure.

Social Barriers

Fight or flight. The truth for those who really take the biscuit is that you may win your freedom, but unless your parents suddenly grow hugely expansive minds and now refer to themselves as Harry and Sue rather than Harish and Vasundra, you will lose a little bit of inheritance, some more love and a lot of support from your family. So sadly there are few that stand completely true to personal, instinctive happiness and for these people undoubtedly, consequences like social exclusion and family severance, are a lot to bear.

Well you guys, you must then know the answer to the question of whether we have to choose; nevertheless to make digesting that fact of life a little easier we can take into consideration the word- compromise. Even though I’m sure there’s no translation for it in Sanskrit rooted languages because the word don’t existent in them dictionaries!

Embracing ‘our culture’ does not necessarily mean adopting what our parents impose upon us nor making secret our obsession over that stupid Star Plus soap. Ok maybe that should always remain in the closet, but what I’m saying is that culture is as diverse as you make it and there is nothing wrong with picking and choosing the parts that best suit and enhance your preferred lifestyle.

Individuality has a positive connotation in today’s England. Hiding your culture isn’t something necessary because to be cultural gives you the extra edge in the Western world of today.

Making It Work

To be cultural is sexy.

Think about it; your mate David probably eats more curry than you do. He also probably beats you to the dance floor to ‘screw the light bulb’ when Panjabi MC’s remix of Labh Janjua’s Mundian To Bach Ke plays in the club. Granted it might be once he’s necked a few vodkas and granted he may not have a clue what he’s saying, but trust me the ladies will be eyeing him up.

The point is next time you’re out drinking, smoking and partying hard, the fact that you also fulfil your cultural duties as a good son when you get a first in English or a 2.1 in Artificial Intelligence makes you a lot more of an eligible bachelor to the like minded single ladies. Which I’m sure you know, is what a lot of men want along with long legs, busty boobs and pumping posterior. So, fuck it when you hear “you kanjar, what will the neighbours say” niggling in your ear, be proud to be a master of the art of cultural correctness because that’s what you want, and be proud to be yourself. You see: there is always a valid excuse for being a Besharam.

The World Cup is here – woohoo! Seriously, it has brought about a level of excitement in men that is usually reserved for when we are guaranteed sex.

However, before you get all lovey-dovey let Besharam remind you that the game is not always beautiful, in fact it can be downright ugly. So before you are engulfed with superlatives about the game let us expose the dark side of the game. Here are the 10 scummiest things to ever happen on a football pitch.

10 – Barcelona Dampen Inter’s Celebrations

Under the guidance of the brilliant and very cool Jose Mourinho Inter Milan managed to knock out Barcelona of the UEFA Champions League this year. It was a huge achievement considering that Barcelona were reigning champions, that years favourites and the best side in the world at the time. So having completed their victory by holding out Barcelona to win 3-2 over both legs, the celebrations began there and then at the Nou Camp. The site of the Inter players running around Barcelona’s home ground was too much to bear for the Barcelona grounds staff, who decided to turn on the sprinklers and literally dampen their spirits. Talk about being sore losers.

9 – Dida Dives from Fans faint Touch

In 2007 Celtic were playing AC Milan in the group stages of the Champions League. With the score at 1-1 in the 90th minute Scott McDonald scored a late winner for Celtic, sending the home crowd wild. One fan ran onto the pitch and up to the AC Milan ‘keeper and playfully patted him on the cheek before running off to celebrate with his team. Dida decided this could be AC Milan’s get-out clause and promptly hit the turf like he had been punched by Mike Tyson. In the end the fan was banned and Dida was cautioned for his antics, but for trying to con his way out of a loss Dida has to be scum.

8 – Torres Tears the Turf

When Fernando Torres put Liverpool 0-1 up at Old Trafford it seemed that the 2009/2010 season may not be so bad after all. That is until Liverpool’s Jamie Carragher hauled down Luis Antonio Valencia, giving away a penalty. Torres, aggrieved at the decision, kicked a clump out of the penalty spot, clearly trying to make it harder for United to score. It is the kind of spiteful manoeuvre you would expect from your girlfriend when she is on her period and you have left her alone for a night out with the lads, or from Rooney himself given the diving Scouser’s history of cheating. He missed the penalty, but scored the rebound. Nice try Torres – but still makes you a scummy bastard.

7 – Rijkaard Spitting Mad at Voller

El Hadji Diouf could have all ten slots in this article when it comes to spitting but this is the most infamous of all soccer spits. Rijkaard’s Holland faced Voller’s Germany in the 1990 World Cup. Rijkaard started the incident with a late tackle on Voller that saw him booked, and consequently suspended from the next game. As Rijkaard ran back into position he spat in Voller’s hair. Voller was booked for his reaction to this. From the resulting free-kick Voller challenged the Dutch ‘keeper aggressively leading to Rijkaard grabbing Voller by the ear. He then spat, for the second time, in Voller’s hair. Voller reacted furiously and the two were both sent off. A very scummy incident indeed.

6 – Hatton wears a Stoke Kit

Ricky Hatton became a huge name in boxing because of his massive following, which mainly came from Manchester City supporters. Ricky’s dad, Ray, was a former City player and Ricky revelled in representing City in the boxing ring. He came into his fights wearing the City colours on his shorts and his entrance music was always City’s club song, ‘Blue Moon’. But this did not stop him parading around in a Stoke City kit at halftime in Stoke’s Britannia Stadium to promote a boxing show in the city. His new guise as a boxing promoter meant he was now selling his loyalty and that makes Hatton’s shameless parade one of the scummiest things ever seen on a football pitch.

5 – Ronaldo gets Rooney Red

Well, it is not that simple. Rooney actually got his red card for an obvious stamp on Ricardo Carvalho in the 2006 World Cup quarter-final, but it was the reaction of his Manchester United team-mate that sees this incident in our list. Just as the referee had blown the whistle for a foul, Cristiano Ronaldo raced up to the scene of the crime trying to get Rooney sent off. Rooney pushed Ronaldo and was then given a red card. As Rooney trudged of the pitch and the players were getting back to playing the camera caught Ronaldo giving his bench a sly wink. For the next year, scummy Ronaldo was then referred to by the English media as the Portuguese ‘Winker’, a title fully deserved.

4 – Ben Thatcher tries to be Hard

As an English strawberry blonde left-back Thatcher was often compared to ‘Psycho’ and legendary hard-man Stuart Pearce. Except though as his career went on we realised Thatcher was not as good as Pearce, not hard and after this incident we doubt that he is even a man. Man City played Portsmouth in 2006 in a Premiership game and Thatcher found himself racing for a bouncing ball close to the touchline against Pedro Mendes, one of football’s nice guys. Thatcher, feeling the need to make himself seem very hard, smashed his elbow into Mendes’ face, leaving Mendes unconscious. Thatcher is probably pleased with himself as he will now be remembered for being something other then a rubbish player. Pure scum.

3 – David Navarro does a Hit and Run

Valencia vs Inter Milan in the 2007 Champions League was, for 90 minutes, a very unmemorable game. The two fought out a 0-0 draw, which saw Valencia go through to the quarter-finals on away goals, but it was after the final whistle the real fighting began. Inter’s Nicola Burdisso got in an altercation with Valencia’s Carlos Marchena. With a whole posse of Inter players physically restraining Burdisso, Navarro decided it was time to act. So he snuck up on Burdisso and planted a punch on him. Then he ran for his life, dodging the Inter players who gave chase and only stopped when stewards made sure he was safe. Navarro is the worst thing possible; cowardly scum.

2 – Schumacher smashes French Resistance

It is the 1982 World Cup and France meet Germany in the semi-final. It is 3-2 to France in extra-time when a Michele Platini ball over the top puts in French winger Patrick Battison. German ‘keeper Harold Schumacher races out of goal but Battison gets there first, toeing the ball towards goal. Schumacher though continues storming forward, contorting his body to smash Battison in the face with his hip. Battison is knocked unconscious, losing two teeth and damaging his spine. The ball bobbles wide. Germany equalise and go on to win the game on penalties. Schumacher says he was trying to block the ball. He is lying. Scum.

1 – Maradona decides he needs a Hand

The main reason this is number one in our list of the scummiest things to ever happen on a pitch is that two minutes after his scummy moment Diego Maradona goes through most of the England team on his own to score one of the greatest goals of all time. So you have a footballer so talented that he can destroy teams on his own, yet he still decided to use his hand to punch the ball into the net. What makes it so beautifully scummy is that he had no need to do it, because even without the ‘Hand of God’ goal Argentina would have probably still found a way to beat England, as long as they had Maradona. Yet ‘El Diego’ was so desperate to put one over them that he took it in his own hands, literally, both times in the 2-1 win. For giving us the best scummy moment in football history, we put Maradona at number one.

No of course I’m not going to line up my friend’s uncle’s eldest brother’s father’s daughter’s niece’s ugliest girl for you. Hell no! I’m going to sit here with my garam masala legs, in my see-through saree, sipping my lychee margarita and tell you how it is! It’s ok…you can thank me later.

I fancy my cousin and she’s on it too, is it wrong if we get it on?

Well you’re Asian so you’re bound to fancy your cousin. If you didn’t, there would be something wrong…talking of wrong, groping your cousin isn’t exactly deemed socially acceptable though. Yeah sure, check mummyji is watching Star Plus with the volume on high and butt butt ding ding Bobbinder’s your uncle. But where are you going to draw the line? At uncle Bob? Not only is it social taboo, what if the relationship develops and contraception flops. The creation of genetically defective babies on your hands is a whole new problem right there. Tell your sexy cousin to send me her number; I’ll hook her up with a son of a friend from my very own young eligible bachelors list.

My feet are small and it’s giving me a complex. I don’t want the fit girls I chirpse to think small feet, small manhood. What can I do?

Well if girls can get their boobs enlarged then I don’t see why you can’t get your feet done? It’s 2010. However, if you can’t afford that option then perhaps think about buying those pointy formal shoes that are so in trend to make your feet look long. If you’re really losing your nut buy a pair that are 2 sizes too big, disregarding the blisters, that should do the trick! But if all else fails and those options don’t work, the next time a girl says “oh gosh you have small feet” (has anyone really said that to you) give yourself and her a reality check: just unzip your flies and show her how wrong she is. Or you could get therapy. Small feet small matter, but a complex just ain’t hot.

I get a feeling I’m not pleasing my girlfriend in bed; she’s the shy type and doesn’t give much away. How can I tell if I am pleasing her or not? What are the signs?

Here are some basic give away signs that say if you make your girl hot or not:

Every time you try it on with her she asks if you want something to eat. Translation-she doesn’t really give a shit if you’re hungry, she’d rather make roti instead of make love to you.

Foreplay department: she doesn’t spend more than two minutes pleasing you and you do the rest yourself. You give what you get and if she feels let down she’s not going to try very hard herself. Maybe you need to up the tempo. For her not yourself! Jeeze.

Oh and lastly she‘s on a constant period. Bloody hell!

If none of them ring a bell then all I can say is just come to terms with the fact that your girl clearly isn’t the ‘passionate wild in bed’ variety- you said she’s the shy type so you’re lucky you’re even getting any! The truth is that the only way to unlock the padlock on her tempestuous imaginary chastity belt is to communicate. Yes the dreaded C word that will undoubtedly get your C into her C, you see?

Knowledge is power.

There’s what girls say, and then there’s the truth…

Now, at the risk of being labelled misogynistic, Besharam have yet another article to scorch sensibilities. You know how it goes; you’re chatting up a girl and realise that she is very similar to your last girlfriend. You’re chatting to your mate about his girl and you think “I’ve heard that before!” Are they all the same? Well, we think we’ve heard them all before too, so get ready to tighten your butt cheeks girls, here’s a list of 10 things we think an Asian girl will say and a slap of reality just to balance it out…

“I hardly ever drink”

…water, but I do consume an entire brewery to make up for it.

“I am anaemic”

…yes it sounds really bad but actually just means you don’t eat properly, I feel for you anyhow.

“He is just a friend”

…yes, someone with whom you have occasional chit chat- between booty calls and gyrating gear stick sex in the back of his car. Cool.

“I will never get an arranged marriage”

…your knight in shining armour is riding his horse your way, any day now. You shouldn’t have watched Bridgette Jones.

“I get on with guys better than girls”

…yes, because girls are so bitchy and envious of you, while guys respect you. Nothing to do with the fact that the grapevine says you’re a good shag.

“My parents trust me”

…because you are such a good liar.

“I’m an independent woman”

…Destiny’s Child would be proud, but your parents have paid for your phone bill since you were 13, paid for you to live out at Uni and bought you your first car.

“You don’t understand me”

…pretty straight forward: ‘agree with me, or it’s over!’

“I love music”

…really? You’re so specal. I thought you were one of those rare humans who hate it.

“So many guys try it on with me”

…because you are so beautiful? No, it’s because you are dressed like a sket.

Should we ease up on the ladies? Or do you hear us? Do you hear the same thing in your head, as what they are actually saying? Let us know!

A year on from Pakistan winning their first major ICC trophy since 1992, the T20 World Cup has hit our TV screens in a style that’s true to fashion- quickly and compactly. With competitions like these normally every 4 years, who’s complaining? (Although old school 50 over test cricket makes us nostalgic).

This is the time of the year that Asians can finally rejoice in the fact that they are actually quite good at a major sport (hockey or kabadi are not major sports before you go there). As expected the Asian contingent were out in force with India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka all considered pre tournament favourites – not forgetting the improving Bangladeshi side and debutants Afghanistan. Naturally with this comes strong Asian interest, and with that comes great rivalry or, a reason to beat up that freshy who tried feeling your girlfriend up on the dance floor. We all proudly display our colourful shirts of our respective nations, as we debate if Sachin Tendulkar is a midget or just ‘average height’.

This year the West Indies hosted the tournament with its scorching temperatures and bikini clad women. Cricket has never really been considered a ‘sexy’ sport, how can it be when spectators are often stereotyped as coffin dodgers? Yet since the inception of T20, cricket’s powers that be have realised that sex does indeed sell. This bite size version of cricket has grown to become immensely popular around the world with its swashbuckling style, and more seriously the cheerleaders who dance on cue for every boundary scored.

Which is great for us, out on the town with our boys discussing which cheerleader you’d like to ‘give one’ to. Not so good when we’re with our parents and a randy cameraman focuses on the cheerleaders backside for way longer than he should; leaving both your parents and commentator Michael Atherton speechless and you with a raging besharam knocking on your good boy door.

Back to the cricket though; despite their endeavours none of the Asian nations made it to the final. Pakistan somehow managed to lose to Australia in the semi-finals despite posting a great total of 191-6, and in typical never say die Aussie attitude (the bastards) Michael Hussey slogged an amazing 60 off 24 balls to help the Aussies to victory. So we all rested our hopes on England to win the competition as some form of booby prize.

Sri Lanka were comprehensively beaten by England by 7 wickets in the other semi-final after a major top order collapse. Sri Lanka had beaten India in the super eight stage to advance to the semi-final in a tense match. As it fell, old foes England and Australia participated in the final and it was the chance for us to quietly support England and for the England cricket team to finally end their losing streak in World Cup finals.

England managed to grab early wickets to cause Australia problems, at one point struggling on 8-3. Australia valiantly finished on 147-6 and quickly put pressure on England by taking the early wicket of Michael Lumb; yet a partnership of 111 by Craig Keiswetter and Kevin Pietersen rallied England to victory.

Ensured that one England national team has been successful, we now brace ourselves for the inevitable quarter final penalty shoot out defeat for the English football team at the World Cup.

“I don’t think they know just how much of a Besharam I really am” the gorgeous Hard Kaur told her PR people prior to our chat. Well we soon got to know!

The press in India have labelled her ‘sharam proof’ because apparently she has no shame. Then again, what does Hard Kaur have to be ashamed about? Definitely not her career.

She has performed at Glastonbury. She was the opening act for Justin Timberlake’s concert in England. She has, through sheer hard work and talent, made herself respected in the British hip hop scene.

This led to her being the most in demand British Asian artist around at the time. It was a collaboration with ‘The Sona Family’ that produced her biggest hit to date, ‘Ek Glassy’, which was an international smash hit. Next came her critically acclaimed 2007 debut album ‘Supawoman’ which led to calls from Bollywood producers.

A series of hit singles for some of Bollywood’s biggest films followed (Ugly Aur Pagli, Singh is Kinng, Kismat Konnection and many more), eventually leading to her appearing on India’s version of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ (where she made it all the way to the semi-finals) and then anchoring an IPL show.

This is all a long way from her days of getting bullied for being a freshie in Birmingham, having moved to the country from Punjab in 1991. Nowadays Hard Kaur is too busy to even visit England, having been away for the last three years, thanks to filming commitments in India. She came back though and found time to have a nice long chat with Besharam.co.uk, telling us about her up-coming track with D12, her new film with Akshay Kumar and to explain just how much of a besharam she really is.

Hellooooooo Hard Kaur, you smell fantastic. How are you after your slightly tipsy looking appearance at the Brit Asia Music Awards?

I was glad to get it over and done. I stopped going out in India because of all the filming, I hadn’t gone out in like 6 – 7 months, so when I came here I was just like “yeeeaaah!” and got quite drunk.

So did we! It makes all the small-talk easier. So you have been away for along time, how does it feel to be back in Birmingham?

It feels great. I have missed Birmingham. I missed Soho Road and I missed all the rude boys in their cars blasting their music. If you blast music out your car in India people laugh at you.

We’ll remember that for the next time we’re out cruising in India. What do you make of events such as the Brit Asia Music Awards or the UK AMA’s?

At least we have two now. We should have more. If we don’t have these events no one is going to have that feeling of wanting to win an award and working hard for it. I don’t know about here but in India a lot of these awards ceremonies are fixed, so if it is done properly, with real voting, then I think it is great. I think we should have five more awards ceremonies.

We are planning to start the Besharam awards soon. Anyway, you are now a veteran of the British Asian scene. What do you make of the current generation?

I’m proud of the scene; I think it is doing well. But a lot of bhangra videos I have seen are really bad. I think it’s just a financing problem. The labels don’t really support the artist and that is not just here, that is in India too. Non-Bollywood acts can’t get deals anymore, there is no market left for anything else. Even MTV had to be removed in India, so they are starting another channel which is Bollywood instead.

How is the industry different from when you started out?

It isn’t! Everyone that had a chip on their shoulder before still has a chip on their shoulder now. Everybody who had an ego problem then still has an ego problem now. I am exactly the fucking same. I swear as much and nearly drink as much. Maybe I am a bit wiser and calmer. Over there they will say it to your face if you are a flop artist. Here, if anyone is good, we don’t give them special attention, we treat them exactly the same as someone who is shit. No one collaborates with each other; they are too bad for that. GET A LIFE!

So very true. You were never one afraid to collaborate and it was a collaboration with ‘The Sona Family’ that helped you reach stardom. How important for your career do you think ‘Ek Glassy’ was?

‘Ek Glassy’ was a good thing for the UK. My mum was like “do something for Indian people”. I was already on stage with people like Justin Timberlake and the Neptune’s, performing with Roots Manuva and Skinnyman. I did Glastonbury. But my mum was like do a fusion, something for the Indian people. I was like “No, I only do real hardcore hip hop” but my mum was like “No, you need to do something commercial”. So I did ‘Ek Glassy’. And everyone loved it.

Along with your popularity came a backlash. Many did not and maybe still do not, like the way you portray yourself, especially as an Indian girl carrying ‘Kaur’ in her name. What do you have to say about this?

After ‘Ek Glassy’ people went on like “that bitch drinks”. That song became a big hit and everyone had an opinion. Before, when I talked about good things, no one gave a shit. But when I show my cleavage, put on some make up and make a song about alcohol then everyone notices me. Haters. That is all it is. Not everyone is going to like me anyway so I wasn’t bothered about that but within the industry they tried to ruin my reputation. That was mainly male artists. Not naming anyone though.

Getting away from the serious stuff, tell us about Bollywood. It was your music that first got you over there, how did you go about getting into acting?

When I went there I didn’t want to be some B-list celebrity. I don’t want to sit on the 5th row at awards shows; I want to sit on the front row. So many NRI’s in India go around and do nothing but party. I could have done that. But I was working hard here and I went over there to work hard too. I did ‘Dancing with the Stars’ in India first. Lately I was anchoring an IPL show. So then I wanted to do acting. A lot of roles had been coming my way but to be honest it was a lot of stupid shit, like being a heroin or whatever, and I didn’t want to do that, I wanted to do something interesting. When ‘Patiala House’ came I wanted it.

‘Patiala House’ is one of the most anticipated films in years. Tell us about it.

It is a story of a generation gap. It is about a family from Southall. We have a father who is like “you cant work with goreh” or “you cant be a singer”. But slowly we start doing things without him realizing it. So that’s why I was so interested in it, the storyline is close to home. It reminds me of my own past because everyone was so scared of my Granddad and we didn’t want him finding out certain things. People will laugh when they see me in it. I am wearing some ugly suits, looking so simple, playing Akshay’s sister. I look so traditional, with the centre parting and a long gooth.

We will definitely be watching that when it is out. What is life as one of Bollywood’s elite like?

I get the constant paparazzi attention. The press shout at me “Hard! Hard! Hardy!” They are outside my house constantly. They call me shame proof because I don’t care. I will tie my hair up, wear big shades, wearing torn up pyjamas and go out without makeup to buy a coffee while they are all taking pictures. But I don’t give a fuck, I am exactly who I am. I have to live my life, I won’t let anything stop me. I mean apparently you media need to know about my personal life and they think they have the right to invade your life but no you don’t. I don’t really let the media in unless it’s to talk about my work.

After all your various hit singles from Bollywood films what made you want to go back to real hip hop and collaborate with D12?

If I don’t get to do my hip hop I get really angry, seriously. I mean here I am acting, dancing and anchoring but what about my tunes? Labels are not pushing anyone out there. I mean they told me “we will sign you we will pay for your album and videos but do something a bit more commercial”. I was like what is the fucking point? This is my own shit, I have done the Bollywood shit, I want to do my own shit now. So I don’t care if people buy it, it is just to satisfy myself. I have to do it.

You know how it happened? My mum phones me eight months ago and says “I am really proud of you but you have to do a real hip hop track, something solid”. I was like wow my own mum is dissing me! First she used to say I didn’t make any money, now I am making money she is telling me I need to keep it real! “Just do one real hip hop tune” she was telling me.

How did the hook up with D12 come about?

The PR company that represents me, Revolution PR, also represent D12. So we asked them to check me out and they were like “it’s all good, we know she is big but send the track first”. Once they heard the track they were like “come to Detroit baby!”

What was it like recording with D12?

I hate it when some people do a collaboration where they just do a verse, take the money and go. I was like “you guys have to learn about what you’re going to do”. So what I did is I sat with them and we talked for hours, about India, Punjab, butter chicken, Rekha, Mazda, Amitabh Bachan, and it is all in the lyrics. When you hear the tune you will be proud.

We can’t wait for it. When is your next album out and what can we expect from it?

We are working on Indian time. In fact I think I may call it ‘Indian Timing’. No release date yet. It will have a bit of everything. I have a tune with Lembher Hussainpuri, because I love Lembher’s tone. Tigerstyle do the beats, Kammy K is doing a remix on it. D-boy will be on it. I am excited.

Time for some besharam questions now. What would you say the best feature of your body is?

It was my ass but that gets worse as you get older. Now it is my legs. They call me Tina Turner legs in India, I get to show them off a lot, I am famous for my legs.

Have you ever kissed a girl?

Just like mwah mwah, never actually kissed. Me like cock!

Thongs or French knickers?

Thongs can be too irritating up your arse, I’ll be even more besharam, I prefer to wear nothing.

If playboy offered you £100,000 to pose naked what would you say?

No. Too much shame. My mum would do me. We could do a nice one, with pearls and stuff. If Kareena Kapoor can do it then so can I. I will do a nice underwear one, just to show the grandkids one day “Look how beautiful your granny was once, look at the body I had”.

Finally, what is the most besharam thing you have ever done?

You never know, I could have farted during this interview, though I didn’t. I am just besharam all day long. I steal a lot of lighters. Do you have one I could borrow?