No of course I’m not going to line up my friend’s uncle’s eldest brother’s father’s daughter’s niece’s ugliest girl for you. Hell no! I’m going to sit here with my garam masala legs, in my see-through saree, sipping my lychee margarita and tell you how it is! It’s ok…you can thank me later.
I fancy my cousin and she’s on it too, is it wrong if we get it on?
Well you’re Asian so you’re bound to fancy your cousin. If you didn’t, there would be something wrong…talking of wrong, groping your cousin isn’t exactly deemed socially acceptable though. Yeah sure, check mummyji is watching Star Plus with the volume on high and butt butt ding ding Bobbinder’s your uncle. But where are you going to draw the line? At uncle Bob? Not only is it social taboo, what if the relationship develops and contraception flops. The creation of genetically defective babies on your hands is a whole new problem right there. Tell your sexy cousin to send me her number; I’ll hook her up with a son of a friend from my very own young eligible bachelors list.
My feet are small and it’s giving me a complex. I don’t want the fit girls I chirpse to think small feet, small manhood. What can I do?
Well if girls can get their boobs enlarged then I don’t see why you can’t get your feet done? It’s 2010. However, if you can’t afford that option then perhaps think about buying those pointy formal shoes that are so in trend to make your feet look long. If you’re really losing your nut buy a pair that are 2 sizes too big, disregarding the blisters, that should do the trick! But if all else fails and those options don’t work, the next time a girl says “oh gosh you have small feet” (has anyone really said that to you) give yourself and her a reality check: just unzip your flies and show her how wrong she is. Or you could get therapy. Small feet small matter, but a complex just ain’t hot.
I get a feeling I’m not pleasing my girlfriend in bed; she’s the shy type and doesn’t give much away. How can I tell if I am pleasing her or not? What are the signs?
Here are some basic give away signs that say if you make your girl hot or not:
Every time you try it on with her she asks if you want something to eat. Translation-she doesn’t really give a shit if you’re hungry, she’d rather make roti instead of make love to you.
Foreplay department: she doesn’t spend more than two minutes pleasing you and you do the rest yourself. You give what you get and if she feels let down she’s not going to try very hard herself. Maybe you need to up the tempo. For her not yourself! Jeeze.
Oh and lastly she‘s on a constant period. Bloody hell!
If none of them ring a bell then all I can say is just come to terms with the fact that your girl clearly isn’t the ‘passionate wild in bed’ variety- you said she’s the shy type so you’re lucky you’re even getting any! The truth is that the only way to unlock the padlock on her tempestuous imaginary chastity belt is to communicate. Yes the dreaded C word that will undoubtedly get your C into her C, you see?
Knowledge is power.