The World Cup is here – woohoo! Seriously, it has brought about a level of excitement in men that is usually reserved for when we are guaranteed sex.
Instead of sex though we now get to watch the best football nations on earth compete, nearly everyday for a month. The likes of Brazil, Argentina, Spain and everyone else are certain to make us yell like sex never has. The World Cup is the ‘beautiful game’ at its most beautiful.
However, before you get all lovey-dovey let Besharam remind you that the game is not always beautiful, in fact it can be downright ugly. So before you are engulfed with superlatives about the game let us expose the dark side of the game. Here are the 10 scummiest things to ever happen on a football pitch.
10 – Barcelona Dampen Inter’s Celebrations
Under the guidance of the brilliant and very cool Jose Mourinho Inter Milan managed to knock out Barcelona of the UEFA Champions League this year. It was a huge achievement considering that Barcelona were reigning champions, that years favourites and the best side in the world at the time. So having completed their victory by holding out Barcelona to win 3-2 over both legs, the celebrations began there and then at the Nou Camp. The site of the Inter players running around Barcelona’s home ground was too much to bear for the Barcelona grounds staff, who decided to turn on the sprinklers and literally dampen their spirits. Talk about being sore losers.
9 – Dida Dives from Fans faint Touch
In 2007 Celtic were playing AC Milan in the group stages of the Champions League. With the score at 1-1 in the 90th minute Scott McDonald scored a late winner for Celtic, sending the home crowd wild. One fan ran onto the pitch and up to the AC Milan ‘keeper and playfully patted him on the cheek before running off to celebrate with his team. Dida decided this could be AC Milan’s get-out clause and promptly hit the turf like he had been punched by Mike Tyson. In the end the fan was banned and Dida was cautioned for his antics, but for trying to con his way out of a loss Dida has to be scum.
8 – Torres Tears the Turf
When Fernando Torres put Liverpool 0-1 up at Old Trafford it seemed that the 2009/2010 season may not be so bad after all. That is until Liverpool’s Jamie Carragher hauled down Luis Antonio Valencia, giving away a penalty. Torres, aggrieved at the decision, kicked a clump out of the penalty spot, clearly trying to make it harder for United to score. It is the kind of spiteful manoeuvre you would expect from your girlfriend when she is on her period and you have left her alone for a night out with the lads, or from Rooney himself given the diving Scouser’s history of cheating. He missed the penalty, but scored the rebound. Nice try Torres – but still makes you a scummy bastard.
7 – Rijkaard Spitting Mad at Voller
El Hadji Diouf could have all ten slots in this article when it comes to spitting but this is the most infamous of all soccer spits. Rijkaard’s Holland faced Voller’s Germany in the 1990 World Cup. Rijkaard started the incident with a late tackle on Voller that saw him booked, and consequently suspended from the next game. As Rijkaard ran back into position he spat in Voller’s hair. Voller was booked for his reaction to this. From the resulting free-kick Voller challenged the Dutch ‘keeper aggressively leading to Rijkaard grabbing Voller by the ear. He then spat, for the second time, in Voller’s hair. Voller reacted furiously and the two were both sent off. A very scummy incident indeed.
6 – Hatton wears a Stoke Kit
Ricky Hatton became a huge name in boxing because of his massive following, which mainly came from Manchester City supporters. Ricky’s dad, Ray, was a former City player and Ricky revelled in representing City in the boxing ring. He came into his fights wearing the City colours on his shorts and his entrance music was always City’s club song, ‘Blue Moon’. But this did not stop him parading around in a Stoke City kit at halftime in Stoke’s Britannia Stadium to promote a boxing show in the city. His new guise as a boxing promoter meant he was now selling his loyalty and that makes Hatton’s shameless parade one of the scummiest things ever seen on a football pitch.
5 – Ronaldo gets Rooney Red
Well, it is not that simple. Rooney actually got his red card for an obvious stamp on Ricardo Carvalho in the 2006 World Cup quarter-final, but it was the reaction of his Manchester United team-mate that sees this incident in our list. Just as the referee had blown the whistle for a foul, Cristiano Ronaldo raced up to the scene of the crime trying to get Rooney sent off. Rooney pushed Ronaldo and was then given a red card. As Rooney trudged of the pitch and the players were getting back to playing the camera caught Ronaldo giving his bench a sly wink. For the next year, scummy Ronaldo was then referred to by the English media as the Portuguese ‘Winker’, a title fully deserved.
4 – Ben Thatcher tries to be Hard
As an English strawberry blonde left-back Thatcher was often compared to ‘Psycho’ and legendary hard-man Stuart Pearce. Except though as his career went on we realised Thatcher was not as good as Pearce, not hard and after this incident we doubt that he is even a man. Man City played Portsmouth in 2006 in a Premiership game and Thatcher found himself racing for a bouncing ball close to the touchline against Pedro Mendes, one of football’s nice guys. Thatcher, feeling the need to make himself seem very hard, smashed his elbow into Mendes’ face, leaving Mendes unconscious. Thatcher is probably pleased with himself as he will now be remembered for being something other then a rubbish player. Pure scum.
3 – David Navarro does a Hit and Run
Valencia vs Inter Milan in the 2007 Champions League was, for 90 minutes, a very unmemorable game. The two fought out a 0-0 draw, which saw Valencia go through to the quarter-finals on away goals, but it was after the final whistle the real fighting began. Inter’s Nicola Burdisso got in an altercation with Valencia’s Carlos Marchena. With a whole posse of Inter players physically restraining Burdisso, Navarro decided it was time to act. So he snuck up on Burdisso and planted a punch on him. Then he ran for his life, dodging the Inter players who gave chase and only stopped when stewards made sure he was safe. Navarro is the worst thing possible; cowardly scum.
2 – Schumacher smashes French Resistance
It is the 1982 World Cup and France meet Germany in the semi-final. It is 3-2 to France in extra-time when a Michele Platini ball over the top puts in French winger Patrick Battison. German ‘keeper Harold Schumacher races out of goal but Battison gets there first, toeing the ball towards goal. Schumacher though continues storming forward, contorting his body to smash Battison in the face with his hip. Battison is knocked unconscious, losing two teeth and damaging his spine. The ball bobbles wide. Germany equalise and go on to win the game on penalties. Schumacher says he was trying to block the ball. He is lying. Scum.
1 – Maradona decides he needs a Hand
The main reason this is number one in our list of the scummiest things to ever happen on a pitch is that two minutes after his scummy moment Diego Maradona goes through most of the England team on his own to score one of the greatest goals of all time. So you have a footballer so talented that he can destroy teams on his own, yet he still decided to use his hand to punch the ball into the net. What makes it so beautifully scummy is that he had no need to do it, because even without the ‘Hand of God’ goal Argentina would have probably still found a way to beat England, as long as they had Maradona. Yet ‘El Diego’ was so desperate to put one over them that he took it in his own hands, literally, both times in the 2-1 win. For giving us the best scummy moment in football history, we put Maradona at number one.